Saturday, 16 October 2010

Making Plans

Yesterday I received the results of my recent scan, and I am DELIGHTED to report that all is still stable. I can't express my relief. I recently lost a dear friend to Breast Cancer, a friend who also fought the good fight with diet and lifestyle changes. She battled to the end and it saddens me greatly that the world has lost such a huge spirit. This disease is just too cruel for words, and as there are no words, I will speak of more optimistic things.

Recently I was persuaded by my friend Susan to tell a group of friends about my lifestyle changes and to show how anyone can follow suite. I have now given a few of these talks. I started with a very intensive day demonstrating juicing and how to make smoothies and sorbets, how and why to sprout seeds, and the advantages of incorporating more raw foods into our meal plans. I made a raw lunch which if I'm honest took 2 days to prepare. The feedback I received was very favourable with the only complaint being that it was perhaps too information - dense ( I did want to give value for money ! ) I followed up on this one with a day dedicated to indoor gardening which included a demonstration and talk on the wonderful world of sprouting seeds. I demonstrated the different seed sprouters on the market, ranging from a jar to the high-tech EasyGreen electrical sprouter that waters and rinses the seeds automatically. Everyone had the opportunity to purchase seeds for sprouting at home and we all sowed sunflower seeds and peas in seed trays to take home to grow on for green shoots.

This term I started a course called Healthy Lifestyle Choices, a series of six talks and demonstrations which runs fortnightly. The sessions involve explanations, and demonstrations.

  • In week one I talked about our fabulous body, our cells, our energy. I brought in my own juicer and my blender and demonstrated a juice or smoothie - my memory fails me here. I do remember I didn't have enough time to do everything I had wanted to do.

  • In week two I talked about the bodies PH and about acidity and alkalinity. I demonstrated making a juice with a blender for those who don't have a juicer. I also demonstrated a hummus or guacamole or tapenade - my memory deserts me again and I offered recipes for these. The plan was to offer alternatives for snacks and spreads for lunch, and for wholefood salad dressings.

  • In week three I talked about meat and dairy. It was at this point that I was preparing for my scan and it was also just very shortly after my dear friend passed away. As a consequence, I tried to make a very compelling case for avoiding, or reducing the quantity of dairy and meat we eat, or at the least being aware of what we put in our mouths. I believe it came as a bit of a surprise to some of my listeners. I just hope they return ! I demonstrated a nut cheese ( which can be used as a substitute for cheese, or butter ) and an avocado based lime pudding with nut crumble and nut cream. Thankfully there was no-one present with a nut allergy. ( I had emailed out asking to be informed of allergies prior to the start of the course, but as I received no replies it has given me carte blanche )

  • Week four's plan is to talk about the glycaemic index, and the effect of sugar on our bodies. The demonstration will be a lentil loaf with a vegan gravy. This is a very versatile recipe which can be served warm with gravy, or cold as a pate or sandwich filling. It is cooked, but dark nights and cold weather call for warmer foods, and raw foods will now have to wait for the sunshine of Spring. The vegan gravy recipe is very meaty in ? what's the word ? feel ? As I did a job of criticising too much animal protein in the diet, the plan is to offer easy and delicious alternatives.

  • Week five will be about the wonderful brain, and hormones and freely circulating chemicals, and their effects on our physical bodies ( what other kind of bodies do we have !! ) I'll be sharing the information I have on how wondrous the whole symphony of the body is, and how genes do not always determine destiny. I am intending to also talk about the benefits of meditation and relaxation and pass on some of my favourite techniques and resources. I'm really excited about this one. I am undecided about the weeks recipe for this one at this stage. Time may prove tight if I demonstrate some of the techniques I'd like to. I think I'll have a better feel for it on the day, but will go armed with a recipe and ingredients and see how time goes.

  • The plan for week six is to talk about some of the hazards in our environments. This was the most overwhelming issue for me to take on board, and the most recent. I'm certainly not an expert, but I will be passing on what I have learnt so far. As it is the last session before Christmas, I thought it would be nice if everyone could take something away with them. I make my own moisturizers and scrubs and the plan is for us all to make some to take away. I will bring in some pretty little pots, and there will be gift-wrap suggestions from my friend Susan who is a gifted floral artist and florist.

It hadn't been my intention to carry on and do any more sessions after this last one, but as I've had very positive feedback, and more importantly, my scan result was reassuring I would certainly consider continuing for another few sessions. I think what I have learned from this experience is that there is a lot we the public don't know about nourishing ourselves, and I mean nourishing in its widest meaning. I sometimes forget that the knowledge I have gained with such difficulty wasn't always widely available, and that others are in the position I was in prior to diagnosis. Of course the reason for doing the demonstrations and talks was precisely because it was so difficult to take on this information, and as the opportunity arose I jumped at the chance to pass it on to others. The adage An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure is just so true !! But occasionally, I feel so settled in my new lifestyle that I am sometimes momentarily puzzled that others don't know what I do and act accordingly. I am also sometimes extremely frustrated by this - when I'm in the supermarket, or trying to find something on a restaurant menu for example !

The other thing I'm learning is not to try to cram so much information into two short hours !! I want desperately to pass on this information while I can, and cancer is my constant companion, sitting on my shoulder. It is a motivator to act now, act quickly whilst I have energy and am well. It is also a demotivator, always there and never giving any hints about how far ahead I can plan. As a consequence I operate within a shorter time-frame than most other people. I have been trying to pass on the most important information as efficiently and succinctly as possible in my talks and demonstrations, but perhaps I'm in danger of overwhelming people, as I've overwhelmed myself in the past. So perhaps a little recapping may be in order. And the advantage of recapping is that the information all starts to dovetail into itself. It's all interconnected, but you just need to have a basic understanding of the bits before you see that they do all fit together.

Friday, 21 May 2010


I'm a Barbie Girl in a Barbie world. I'm all plastic.It's fantastic.

The words are ringing around in my head at the minute. Why ? Because I live in a plastic world. Can't get away from it. I live in a world that is cushioned and padded and far removed from the world others inhabit. I was watching a series of programmes on TV called Blood Sweat and Luxuries which follows a group of young adults who find out how their consumer goods are produced. They have travelled the world taking on jobs in the industries that manufacture our merchandise, working alongside their foreign counterparts. They experience the third world lifestyle which produces the cheap goods we are all enjoying. Things like cheap trainers, gold and jewelry, computers,etc. A large part of the cost of our affordable luxuries is paid for by these workers who are on minimal wages living in squalid conditions. We are unaware of their living conditions because they live half way around the world. Out of sight, out of mind. We have passed laws to prevent our own people being abused by industry. We have raised the nations standard of living. We have health care for all, a benefits system that ensures the weak and frail and unfortunate can enjoy a dignified life, and laws that ensure more than fair working conditions for all., with a legal system to enforce it. Industry it seems has not so much taken this on board and adapted to it, as simply moved on - moved further afield. I used to lament that we had lost our manufacturing industry. Gone were the jobs and opportunities ! Where was all our engineering expertise ! Where were our textiles. But industry is alive and well - just look at the staggering stuff in the shops ! It's just moved abroad to where there are less ( if any ) safeguards and rights afforded the workers. Wages are cheap. Life is cheap. The industrial revolution's human cost is still being paid , just not in our own backyard.

I have taught my daughter to think about these things. I've pointed out that shops hide the true cost of their goods in the homes of workers abroad who can't possibly be paid enough when you consider the cost of the finished clothes on display. I sew, but I can't make anything for the prices they charge for the completed goods which have been shipped halfway round the world and passed through many many hands. How can so many things that were luxuries when I was young have suddenly become so cheap to produce ? Why have we become a throw-away society ? It isn't good for us. We are creating mountains of rubbish which will not break down. What's more we're shipping some of our garbage abroad ! ( I know, I know - we take in other people's garbage as well . Nuclear radioactive stuff !!! Stuff I don't want to know about or think about because my brain is too small - and that's why it's happening. There's not enough people to complain. ) There are children in foreign lands smashing up old computers and electrical goods, trying to get tiny components out to sell. Fibres of wire, tiny dots of something on a computer thingummy ( circuit board ? ) are worth the price of children running barefoot through broken glass and sharp fragments of plastic and goodness knows what else. These mountains of garbage are in places where the people have no knowledge of their potential hazards, and they don't have a say in whether the stuff gets dumped there or not. These countries are poor and are dependant on us for jobs and I dare say we pay them to take our garbage. But it means it's out of our sight.

It means we are not fully aware of the consequences of our actions or the actions of big businesses. I think it's important to start being more aware of the consequences of our purchases on the world. And this is happening. This programme has gone a long way towards making people more aware - anyone who watched it, anyway. Now we just need to have the message repeated every so often. Perhaps we are waking up. But we all have to vote with our wallets. That is the only message big companies and businesses hear.

I was looking on the Huffington Post site and an interview of Thich Nhat Hanh by Marianne Schnall caught my attention. (posted 21 May 2010 )

When we take time for relaxation and meditation, and turn off the constant drumbeat of advertising we've been inviting into our home, we find we actually need very little to be happy. We already have so many conditions for happiness that cost us nothing at all. Just take our eyes, for example. Our eyes are miraculous, they are like a pair of jewels. We only need to open them to see the blue sky, fluffy white clouds, beautiful flowers, the faces of our loved ones. Or our ears; anytime we like we can take in the sound of inspiring music, of bird songs, of a burbling stream, of the wind whistling through the pine trees. These are wonders of life, accessible to us at any moment through our eyes and ears. Our body's still healthy, our legs are healthy, and these are wonders in our very own body.

Well said indeed !

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Being Happy

I was rereading some entries for earlier in the year when I was at my wits end and it strikes me I'm in a really good place right now. I'm taking the view that I have my miracle. I am healthy and alive, and I'm really enjoying it. I have been in a dark place and that was a blessing in its own way. How can you appreciate how good something is if you haven't experienced anything else ? How can you recognise warmth if it's all you've ever felt? You need to experience cold to draw a comparison, to have its quality drawn to your attention. I am very grateful to be here, to be alive, to have woken to this lovely sunny, crisp morning full of possibilities. The sun is glistening off the lawn and a group of 5 ducks has just landed in front of my window.Oops, they're off again ! There's so much activity out there. There's a wren nesting in last years floral basket that I left out over the winter and is sitting on a table over by my veg. patch. I pulled the dead plants out, leaving a little hole in the side and a wren took up residence before I did anything else with it. My untidiness has provided a home for a family ! Talk about making a virtue out of a vice - namely lazyness and untidiness ! There's so much life out there that it quickens my heart to look on it.

It's too nice a day to waste inside, so the plan is to do more work in the garden and soak up the sunshine while I can. I have some baby plants to put into my beds, and some new seeds to sow. It's all so exciting !

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Gardening For This Beginner

May is nearly, though not quite half way through, but we still have frosts, and had one last night. I have started off some seedlings and my gardening year starts here. I'm starting late, but at least I'm starting ! I was given a very pretty journal for valentines day by my husband and I'm recording all things gardening in it. So far that's included a weather report since the beginning of May. It also contains my plan for the garden so that I have a crop rotation record for the future. I grew things in the beds last year - my first year of veg growing - but I didn't understand the crop rotation thing then, and my soil was brand new, so vegetable growing seriously starts this year, here and now. I have 4 beds and will allocate one each for

  1. onions and greens ( salads )

  2. roots

  3. legumes (peas and beans )

  4. brassica's ( most important for cancer fighting properties )

I will also have pots of edible flowers for my salads - I've already had some violets which I sprinkled over an avocado salad and they looked delightful. I was really pleased with myself. Unfortunately the weather had turned cold and they lost a lot of their scent by the time thought about using them and picked them.

On Bank Holiday Monday I finally got my act together and started seeds off in pots and trays. The following is what I planted :-

Tray 1

  1. Kale - Scarlet, Dwarf Green Curled, and Nero de Toscana

  2. Kohl Rabi

  3. Turnip

Tray 2

  1. Swiss Chard

  2. Swede

  3. Sprouting Broccoli

  4. Nasturtium

Tray 3

  1. Peppers - sweet, and hot

  2. Leeks

Tray 4

  1. Tomato - Moneymaker

Tray 5

  1. Peas - Mangetout

Tray 6

  1. Peas - Hurst Green Shaft ( Sugar snap ) and Kelvedon

Tray 7

  1. Broad Beans

  2. Dwarf Beans

Tray 8

  1. Beetroot

Tray 9

  1. Sunflower seeds for micro-greens

Trays 10, 11, and 12

  1. Peas - as before

A tray of broad beans in pots.

So far some have come up, but not others. I'm putting them out in the greenhouse - a tiny plastic and tin thing - during the day and bringing them into the shed at night. I can't wait till they're ready to stay out all the time and be put in the ground. My beds are looking empty at the moment, but that won't last long I hope.

Monday, 10 May 2010

Scan Results Time

I have just had my latest scan and the results are in. I am really relieved. The scan shows no change. Everything is stable. I was really frightened that it had woken up. I have been very stressed lately and haven't been looking after myself so well. So to say I'm relieved is an understatement. So I'm going to make a fresh start ( how many times do I say that ?!) and my healthy eating demo was just the kick up the bum I needed. So here's to the next 6 months !!

A New Challenge

I have just given my first demonstration of juicing, and healthy recipe making to a small group of women, hand selected by my friend who teaches and demonstrates flower arranging and floristry techniques. And it seemed to go well. So well that they have asked me to come back and teach them in a series of 2 hourly sessions. The drinks and recipes I demonstrated on the day are as follows :-

  1. a power packed porridge
  2. wheatgrass and apple juice
  3. apple and beetroot juice
  4. a virgin mary
  5. a really good vegetable juice - recipe by Nigel Slater
  6. a mango smoothie
  7. a mango sorbet
  8. a green smoothie
  9. a quick almond nut milk
  10. a courgette hummus.
  11. courgette pasta
  12. sprouting seeds

For lunch I prepared and served :-

  1. Celeriac, carrot, and pepper salad with nut mayonaise
  2. cauliflower cous cous
  3. quinoa salad
  4. green salad with raspberries
  5. a nut "feta" cheese
  6. lentil pate
  7. mushroom pate
  8. assorted sprouted seeds
  9. no wheat mixed seed bread
  10. sesame "raw" crackers

My friend has encouraged me to do some cookery classes, and expand on the day in 2 hourly chunks which I have agreed to . And I have suggested a healthy eating club similar to a book club, where we share healthy recipes and ideas. I'll just have to see what develops and take it one step at a time. I'm just pleased the day went well. I can't remember what I said, and the demonstrations are hazy in my mind. I was understandably nervous. But the feedback was very positive and I had a great day.

Thursday, 1 April 2010


Today is a sunny glorious day - and the future's so bright I gotta wear shades. Driving my daughter to school - missed the bus again !! - Chris Evans is on the radio playing boppin' music. It's his birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS EVANS !!! I don't know him, but I just thought I'd give him a thumbs up. His show is so cheery and I've got it on now. The sun's shining, the angels are singing, and it's a great day to be alive.

Meghan Telpner over at Making Love in the Kitchen is about to release a NEW TUTORIAL called HEALING WITH EVERYDAY SUPERFOODS and I'll be downloading it just as soon as she comes on line. Her others were so good that I'm really excited about it. ( see yesterdays blog ) There'll be a 5 day meal plan and if her other recipes are anything to go by they will be delicious and easy to prepare. There's also a group challenge on April 18th which I want to participate in this time. Meghan uses twitter to coach us from a distance. As she lives in Canada I think this is a great idea. It also gives the opportunity to hear from others doing the challenge, and gives you the feeling of being in a group - not just doing it all on your own. My family aren't quite as committed to healthy lifestyle choices as I am. Let's face it, they don't have the incentive that I do, so it's really comforting and motivating to feel that I'm with others who are trying to reach the same goal. Meghan is extremely positive and motivating. There are other blogs - some really excellent ones that I think I've mentioned before - but Meghan's is special and does offer this extra which I'm feeling quite excited to try. As I said yesterday I signed up for the last challenge of 5 Days Low Glycaemic Eating, but didn't get my act together in time. though I have been using the recipes since , and I'll get other opportunities as the challenges are repeated regularly. I'm hoping that I can get myself organised this time - do the shopping and planning ahead of time.
To have a look at it yourself go to :-

That link takes you straight to the Healing With Everyday Superfoods page. The 5 day group challenge on the 18th of April will be followed by a 3 day Green Smoothie Cleanse. You can access Meghans blog from there. I've already downloaded the 3 Day Smoothie Cleanse tutorial and it's very informative and do-able. That's what I like about it. I would have liked to have found Meghan's site when I was initially researching how to help myself. It would have saved me a lot of time and tears. I remember clearly the tears of frustration at not knowing what to buy and cook for dinner. But I may not have been as enthusiastic if I didn't know how spot on Meghan's views and knowledge are. She has come to diet from having had a health challenge of her own. I think this has actually helped her. As I've said about myself, serious challenges concentrate the mind. Anyway, enough advertising for Meghan. ( I don't know her, honestly ! ) But perhaps I can be one of the hundred monkeys who spread her healthy eating ideas.

Have you heard the legend of the hundredth monkey ? I'll blog about it on Tuesday !!

I was gong to write about the pitfalls of having metastatic cancer. I am going to write about one of the difficulties I am struggling with. O.K. I'm fessing up now ! I get emotional. I am known to take things emotionally and personally. I was sent some information about a trial that's going on into the effectiveness of acupuncture on fatigue after chemotherapy. I am really, really tired at the moment and thought it was the heavens calling . Turns out they were calling to someone else. Someone who does not have metastatic cancer. I'm not eligible. Fair enough. They have to have some criteria, but they are clearly cherry picking those who have a good survival chance. Unfortunately, whilst I understood the very nice lady on an intellectual level, my emotions were hearing another story. They heard - You aren't a good bet. You aren't likely to survive long enough to be of any use to us. You are likely to have complications and it's probably the cancer that 's making you tired ( on top of the exhaustion from chemo which can last 5 years ) What I really heard was YOU CAN'T BE HELPED. WE WANT TO HELP PEOPLE WHO WILL LIVE AND GET MORE BENEFIT. YOU'RE A LOST CAUSE. I know no one said this - well, actually, I did to myself !! I'm pretty harsh with myself sometimes. I know it's just a trial and there's no way of knowing whether it would help or not, and whether I would get the acupuncture or not. But I had to pluck up the courage to call - face my situation and prepare to put myself out there - and it feels like a doors closed in my face, and I don't take that well these days. I just wish the people who devise these trials would list who is excluded on their introductory letter so it doesn't get to a stage where it can become personal.

That's got that out of my system. Now I'm going to have a cup of detox tea before I go out and tidy up the garden and perhaps sow some vegetable seeds. The first ones of the year for me. Let's hope it doesn't snow. That's another something to blog about next week. What I'm growing in the garden. I'm enjoying blogging again and it's nice to have something to write about.

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Well, it's April tomorrow and I just don't know where the time's gone. What I do know is that I'm in a slightly better place than I was a fortnight ago when my father-in-law was living with us. I still have a teenage daughter who is challenging to say the least, but at least my house is my own again and I can start to breathe and think. To that end I've been trying to sort out my kitchen. I'm a hoarder by nature. Must be something to do with my impoverished, migratory childhood, or then again maybe not. Anyway, I finally emptied my SUGAR cupboard. Yes, I had a cupboard devoted to all things sweet :- golden icing sugar, honey, brown sugars of every stripe, jam,, maple syrup, golden granulated sugar stored in a jar of its own with vanilla beans , icing accoutrement's. What's left is now stored in a plastic tupperware box. I know. But I don't live alone threw most of it away and in fact most of it hadn't been touched in more than 3 years. What a waste of space ! So that freed up a cupboard to use as I wished. I downloaded an ebook ( I am getting more adventurous on the Internet ! ) on eating for 5 days in a low glycaemic way. It included a menu plan, a concise ebook on the reasons to eat with an eye on the glycaemic index, and a shopping list, and a support network on twitter for a 5 day challenge. I didn't get my act together in time sadly- perhaps next time - but I did do the shopping, and I used the cupboard to store all the dry goods I needed. It gave me one cupboard to go to and made it feel more organised, special and fun, and certainly simpler. This cupboard is now my designated healthy eating challenge cupboard, and the sweet stuff left for the family is relegated to a dark, awkward and unused corner of a floor height cupboard.

The 5 day low GI challenge was a great idea and I have been working my way through the recipes. So far they have been terrific, and will become part of my regular repertoire. if you are interested in this challenge it will be run again. Go have a look at it at :- /

Meghan writes a TERRIFIC blog called Making Love in the Kitchen. She is incredibly generous with her recipes and every time I look at her blog it's like the sun comes out. I have never met her, and unless she fancies a holiday in North Yorkshire or I go over to Canada I have no expectation of ever meeting her, but she comes across as a person who you'd like to have as a friend. Her blog is friendly, warm, very positive, and very generous. I also greatly respect the information she gives. I trust her blog totally. I downloaded all her ebooks and they more than live up to expectations and are incredibly reasonably priced. She is releasing one tomorrow on superfoods, together with a challenge and I'm hoping I'm up for it.

The school's break up tomorrow and I was determined to start blogging again, so that's me for today. The utility room needs a bit of a sort out and is calling to me. I spent some time looking at other people's blogs again today. I think I'll just have to ration myself in future. The problem is that I want to catch up. I haven't really been on the internet in months - since last summer really - and I'm being distracted by all the great blogs and sites out in the blue yonder ! But do take a peek at Meghan Telpner's if you get chance. It's worth it.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Sunday morning

I had a lovely day yesterday. I had bruchetta and salad for breakfast. We went out for lunch and a walk and sat by the river watching ducks at our favourite cafe. I had a warm vegan salad and a pot of chamomile tea , and felt like I was on holiday. The sun shone brightly and warmly and we sat outside eating our lunch and watching the ducks and people. We had a very short stroll because we foolishly ate first. I can''t seem to get much energy up after eating. I had a nap in afternoon, and had bruchetta and salad for supper. We watched dancing for sports aide on tv, and I had an early night.

This morning I've had porridge with seeds and nuts and apricot kernels and feel like having another nap. I think I will try to remember to take some digestive enzymes before I eat and see if that helps at all. I watched some inspirational videos on YouTube yesterday featuring Neal Barnard and T Colin Campbell and I'm feeling a little more optimistic today. We've also got the house to ourselves for the first time in 17 weeks and that's making a terrific difference to how I feel in the place. I can breathe a little easier. I have a bit of space to think.

Friday, 12 March 2010

Just another day

Things aren't going so well. I've been very erratic with the juicing and my emotions are at a low ebb. Food wise, I have good and bad days. I've started eating processed foods - for convenience and comfort - and I've been having alcohol and sugary cereal. It's really bad, but I can't seem to get a grip on myself. I bought a Vitamix for my birthday a fortnight ago and I still haven't taken it out of the box. And I've not finished the book I was reading yet. After 17 weeks I've finally managed to move heaven and earth to give us a break from grandad, but it's all backfired on me. My daughter thinks we're millionaires and the hotel of choice that we were going to stay in for her birthday does not meet with her approval. We had a big emotional scene last night , and I just can't take the drama. My husband took grandad back up to Scotland to stay with hiss friend and there were problems with that - the overnight catheter bags didn't arrive at the dispensary in time and we'll have to courier them up to him. I ordered bags from his local pharmacy in Scotland, but there's no guarantee that they'll be there by tomorrow either. This is really because they weren't ordered till the last minute. Husband delivered him and is now very worried about the steep steps he has to use to get to his bedroom. So He's tense. I also told him about the diva moment and he's angry about this and angry with me. I told my daughter I wouldn't book anything and he's booked the time off work. It's a mess. I just want to step out of my life. But there's no way to do that. Someone would be left with a huge mess to clean up. So this morning I'm tippy toeing around on eggshells. Beam me up, Scotty !!!

Tuesday, 2 March 2010


It's been a very long time since I last posted. The reason being that I got myself into a dark place,. I also have a teenage daughter who knows of this blog. and as a consequence I censored myself. This blog is an honest account of what I am going through and learning. I just can't write and censor my thoughts at the same time. But I feel a strong urge to start again. I have fallen into old rutted habits and I'm needing help in pulling myself together and sorting myself out again. There have been many pressures since I last wrote. Whilst my scan results remain the same, the anxiety never goes away. My daughter who is 16 in a fortnight is a typical teenager, and we have our moments as do all parents and teenagers. And my father - in - law who has just turned 92 came to convalesce with us in November after a hernia operatiion, and has now taken up permanent residence with us. He has prostate cancer and the numbers have been rising recently and we haven't been helped by his G.P. telling us that he didn't expect him to make it to Christmas. He is now stronger physically than he was before the operation. But sadly his mind has started to fail him. His memory is erratic and he does get confused. This is a trial and a tribulation for us all.

So this is the start of a new offensive. I am in the fight again. I can't say for how long. My emotions are out of control quite a bit at the moment. But I can try and take control of how I care for my body again.

I have made juice over the past week. Yes, I stopped. What can I say. I know I'm an acidic mess. So I'm starting from scratch again. Baby steps !! Juicing is a baby step. I start with a bag of carrots and a bag of salad leaves - I know they're washed in chemicals,, but it's better than nothing, and it's convenient. As I said, I take a bag of salad leaves and a bag of carrots. I push them through the juicer and decant into small green bottles. Then I have juice for the day. I added kale the other day, and a courgette yesterday. I haven't made today's yet. I'm drnking a detox tea at present. But I'll make it just as soon as the electrician comes and goes. I'm expectiing him in about 10 minutes - not enough time to juice.

Today I only have the electrician to cope with. After he leaves I intend to reread Pat Reeve's book " A Living Miracle - fight cancer at its cellular level and win ! ". Pat is fighting cancer herself and has done so successfully for 30 years or more. I have forgotten so much that I read when I was looking for a miracle, and I've decided to start reading again to encourage and remotivate myself. Pat's book was very helpful to me when I first read it, and I went to see her on the strength of it. Pat's book has the best explanation off what cancer is that I have read. There's a lot of references linking cancer to fungus, parasites, yeast, and I can't remember what else. I got very very confused by the conflicting theories. Pat's is the only book I read that pulled it all together and made it all very clear and understandable. There's also plenty of healthy recipes in the book, and many help with osteoporosis. I have osteopenia and it's getting worse. I intend to take Pat's advice to heart and start to rebuild my health again. I hope to report back on what I find and then move on to other books which I found helpful in the past. if you'd like to go to Pat's website it's :-

Pat is a dynamo, full of energy and glowing like a little star ! She is fantastic and very supportive.

Friday, 26 February 2010


It has been some time since I last posted on this blog. The truth is that I have slipped and stumbled and lost my way. It happens !! I stopped juicing and obsessing about my diet when I went on my summer holidays, and I suppose perhaps I did need a break from it. But things have gone from bad to worse, to unspeakable and I need to get a grip. It was my birthday last week and I am trying to make a new start. And it's back to basics and baby steps for me. So I'll be blogging about my experience from a personal level now. I stopped blogging because things were difficult and I couldn't write about them because my daughter was reading my blog, and consequently I censored myself. Hopefully she is now out of the habit of reading it. If not, Rosie, perhaps you should stop reading now before my black, black soul is revealed. I'm not joking ! I can't pull my punches because quite frankly I just don't have the energy.

This morning I have come to realise that I haven't really accepted the finality and reality of my situation, and what the situation really represents for me. I have been avoiding truly seeing and accepting things as they are. The Grim Reaper has come to live with me and my family. My visitor is the embodiment of the Crypt Keeper, a cadaverous spectre, and he occupies most of the house.

I live in a large house with many rooms. You would think it would swallow him up and hide him, but he is ever present, constantly moving around and making full use of the space. I have tried to contain him, but that seems impossible. I dedicated half the downstairs space in my home to him, but he will not stay in his space. He fully occupies the whole downstairs and garden and scares me out of my wits,and makes me jump out of my skin by appearing when I least expect him and where I least expect him. He is stealthy and silent . I've threatened to put bells on his shoes, but he laughs. He creeps up the stairs and haunts the intimate parts of my home. He frequents the house bathroom and landing. He peeks into my bedroom if he can't find me in the rest of the house. Not content to simply occupy the space, he changes my environment. He turns up the thermostat when I'm not looking and creates a hot house that stifles me. A hells kitchen in a brick box. I feel boxed in. He fills my house with the sound of death and destruction and disaster. A news bulletin at high volume spooling over and over and over. He has taken my home, my husband, my daughters father, and , I fear, my life. Isn't that what death does ? Take everything you hold dear and everything you don't - indiscriminately.

My life with the Crypt Keeper started about 4 months ago. He is unable to care for himself and is occupying more and more territory in my life. He will not be contained. I have to accept that for better or worse he is with me to the end. It is a pseudo marriage. He keeps me company whenever I am home. I can go out for distraction, but twist and turn as I might, he will always be there on my return. I spend more time with him than with anyone else on the planet. Far more time than with my husband. Far more time than with my daughter, though as she is nearing 16 I expect her to stretch her wings and spend less time with me as she prepares to fly the nest. Thankfully, her life is opening out. My place is here with the cadaverous embodiment of death.

I think that life can be quite spooky. I have spent 3 years fighting for my life, fighting for my life . But Death has tired of my contortions and evasions and has come to live with me up close and personal , and he wears my father- in- law's face. He is not to be ignored and he's not to be avoided. I have not been juicing as diligently as I should. In fact I stopped. Our family summer holiday always breaks my habit and it's so laborious and time consuming that I find it hard to get back into my health-creating routine when we get back home. Since November, when my visitor arrived, my health creating efforts have deteriorated further. I drink alcohol. I eat sweet things , some made with fruit, others made with sugar. I eat processed foods. I skip breakfast and lunch, and I eat processed foods . There is plenty of salt in my diet, and a lack of raw vegetables. It's comfort I seek, but it eludes me . I'm not an idiot and I know that my food choices and the stressed way I'm reacting to this situation will seal my doom. I am coming back to my blog in an effort to try to resume the fight if it's not too late.